We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
