dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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