you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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