I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
