Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
