Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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