Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
