I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
