Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
