What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
