you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
