When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
