theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
