when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
