giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
