I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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