Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
