Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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