I looked at my own cervix.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
