He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
