How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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