5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
