btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
