I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
