my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
