I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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