Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
