i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
