God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
