I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
