Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
