What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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