Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it because I queefed?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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