Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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