after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
