I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
