i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
