: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
