don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
