Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
