He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
