I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
