im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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