she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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