the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
