Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
