She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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