Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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