Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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