I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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