Too much gin, very little bucket
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
