This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
