you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
