I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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