words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
