When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude i'm inner monologue high
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
