Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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