Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
