I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
