i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize