dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
