you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
