i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
