you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
