I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that