Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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