I would go down on you faster than GM stock
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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