turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."