Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.

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(941): View more from Florida

Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.

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(850): View more from Florida

You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(469): View more from Texas

On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.

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(518): View more from New York

His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina

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(541): View more from Oregon

You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.

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