i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
