he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i out mim tonsoeep
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